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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

none of this was your fault

by wishing

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1.
syrup 01:10
2.
candles 03:08
sinning too much i just hope i’m heaven bound but i know its not the end why do i feel like time is running out? you’ve got so much life to live feeling pain when i feel bliss exorcism chains they grip restaurant when i was a kid and still today icy hot it goes away inglewood the scent of paint candles on the centerpiece      i wish i could walk away i wish i could walk away i wish i could walk away i wish i could feel the same terrible and awful pain i'm sorry that i feel this way take a picture every day clouds are like the matinee everybody goes away i'm still thinking of what to say say your name in empty rooms i just hope i'm getting through because i don't know what else to do and still today my mother calls me every night i let it ring a thousand times i hate that i'm afraid to fly the whole world turned to columbine i think about you all the time and stare into the candle light
3.
everybody wants to be here everybody wants to try to fix the worlds most broken person born the worst day of july you couldn't hold me closer could you even if you wanted to so i'll leave you there beneath the fabric and make my way out of the room and i'll try and be as quiet as i can so you don't know that i've left you in search of something i don't understand but i can hear it it goes do do do i wanted to be alone and to be left alone i wanted to be alone but then it comes back i wanted to be alone and to be left alone it waits until i'm alone and then it comes back i can't help it so baby don't you want to be here don't you want to be with me i'll move the earth to someplace quiet so you don't have to hear the ring that echos through my broken body every night i hear it it goes do do do do you like me? i don't
4.
cell 02:57
carry around my body like a host stumble around while walking back and forth i don't know where i am i don't know where this is there's something about the distance it's cryptic so i don't think i'll go very far i can't make it where you are so i'll stay home and i'll do anything i stay home to get it away from me get it away from me this feels like a dream i don't think i'll go very far i don't think i'll go out at all i'll stay home and i'll do anything i'll stay home to keep it away from me keep it away from me this feels like a dream with just you and me
5.
painkiller 02:34
bring me a warm washcloth bring me a painkiller and ill give everything to you forever i wish i was stronger i wish i was an adult like my dad like everyone on tv like everyone that i see that just seem so normal that just bite the bullet i know that i can do it but i don’t know how i’lll do it for franklin i’ll do it for buttercup i just hope i do enough it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine i’ve got a whole life i cannot stress time it’s always the best time right now right now right now think about where i could be and yes i do feel lucky think about library and how i need to study cause i don’t know enough no i don’t know enough no i don’t know enough enough enough enough
6.
soap 02:19
be nice to yourself be nice to yourself be nice to yourself i'm worried about you i’m worried about you soap in my mouth wash it all out pass by your house lights are all out i’m worried about you locks of hair in a parking lot dripping snot i’m worried about you getting everything i wanted constantly sick to my stomach i'm covered in blood i think i got cut i'm worried about you i'm worried about you i'm worried about you
7.
eight months 04:14
lets play a game where you guess how i've been and you get no hints from me no tragedy only pictures of my hips in the dark i'm not very smart i've been falling over a lot i think i'm falling apart i need you i need you more than i want to i want to wait for springtime been sick for so long it feels like a lifetime i don't like my body i know you like my body sometimes i see my body and it scares me in the coming months i will do my best not to waste away so when i step on scales like they're broken glass it's to make a change i need you i need you more than you need me it's freeing to admit that i admit that i hate myself more when you're not here
8.
9.
popstar 01:46
i wanna be a pop star but i don’t have the voice for that i wanna be a pop star but i think i missed my chance i wanna be a pop star but i don’t like attention i wanna be a pop star but i don’t like to be looked at i wanna be a pop star but i work a day job i wanna have a family i wanna have a backyard
10.
shimmer 03:14
i remember when i didn't lash out in a temper i guess it's the pressure or the fear that the pain lasts forever it was so easy and care free now it haunts me it's dark and it's empty i can't see whats in front of me because it shimmers and it goes away it shimmers then it goes away you're like a modern day queen and i'm just a head full of bad dreams tonight i'm wondering why i'm still alone i'm afraid of my cellphone i know that everybody wants to help me and they want to know if this is helping but i can't say because it shimmers and it goes away the light always dwindles it doesn't stay you said lets wait until we're both thirty five i don't see our parents alive our bodies are velcro i'm afraid of my cellphone
11.
unholy 03:27
had a dream my brother tried to stab out my eyes i took the knife we both cried control yourself i cannot help myself i cannot help myself light under the floor see you at the door don’t open it can’t tell you where I’ve been die soon i just might been alive for a long time been alive and i love life alright hold me like a baby lately been feeling unholy x2
12.
regret 01:18
savor your food as it goes down green grass in front of courthouse gives me a specific feeling it's more than i can deal with i wanna become a version of myself that doesn't regret everything i do everything i do
13.
prayer beads 03:38
share the most peaceful parts with me with the beads in my hands i just hope there's not an eternity without you you have always been here i don't think i belong the thought that i'll get to hold you i'd worship any god you have always been here i don't think i belong the thought that i'll get to hold you i'd worship any god
14.
holiest water a drink beside the cup or maybe you couldn't keep up water the garden so the plants don't die where'd you go i don't know all that's left are your bones we waste away everyday i can't wait to take you home
15.
16.
i’m afraid of losing my hair i’m afraid of having nothing i guess anything is something anything is something fall asleep at the movies i've learned what my joy is bus ride going smoothly familiar voices regrettable choices i'm afraid of losing myself when i've already lost so much i'm trying to be normal like i was before this fall asleep at a friends house wake me up for the sunrise everything is perfect tombstone in his bedroom stay up late on thursday and calling dad to get you he's coming to get you he's coming to get you

credits

released April 1, 2020

written and recorded by mitch welling and christian novelli. mastered by jesse cannon.

guitar on "soap" by tough boy

photography by mario pućić.

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wishing Portland, Oregon

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